If you’re at odds on a purpose, consider what you and your partner each want.Do you have a mutual purpose-do you agree on what you want to see happen? If so, what is it? Think of a crucial conversation that you need to have in your relationship.(The CRIB steps-Commit, Recognize, Invent, Brainstorm-may help.) The best approach is to stop debating, back up, and create a mutual purpose. Sometimes we end up in a debate because we have different purposes or goals. Taking cues from the chapter, what could you do differently under stress?.What is your style under stress? When conversations become heated, do you typically respond with silence (withdrawing) or violence (becoming verbally aggressive)? Give an example of a recent crucial conversation where you behaved that way.How can you respond to those cues in the future to stay in a constructive conversation?.What were the cues (physical, emotional, behavioral) that your brain was beginning to disengage, and your emotions were driving you away from dialogue? Think about some of your toughest conversations.For conversations to be successful you need to pay attention to both the content and the conditions, so you can adjust if a dialogue goes off track. You can get so involved in the content of an intense conversation that you lose track of what you’re doing and how others are reacting (your brain disengages and your emotions predominate). Are certain conversations that haven’t gone well bothering you? Which ones would strengthen your health and well-being if you handled them better?.How would you grade yourself on the way you handled it? How would improving your dialogue skills benefit your relationship?
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